Thursday, June 28, 2007

St. Joseph Real Estate Kit Selling More Houses Than Realtors 5 to 1

If you are desperate homedebtor facing foreclosure or intending to firesale your home, you'll be relieved to know that you don't have to turn to local blood-sucking realtors to help you bail water.
Just pick up a St. Joseph Statue Home Sales Kit today here or here, and then sit back, relax and watch your collossal financial mistake disappear in front of your very eyes. That's right.

St. Joseph is the patron saint of selling houses. And if selling houses is wrong, then you don't want to be right.
How can St. Joe be so good at selling houses? Easy! This dude works underground!
The solemn tradition of burying St. Joseph in the earth began hundreds of years ago in Europe. During those times, an order of nuns prayed to St. Joseph (the patron saint of the family and household needs) when they needed more lands for convents. The Sisters were encouraged to bury their St. Joseph medals in the ground. The medals evolved into statues, culminaing with the complete "Underground Real Estate Agent" Kit currently available. Today, thousands of homesellers and real estate agents nationwide continue this successful tradition; they are looking for a little divine intervention.

Are you panicking because no one is showing up to your open house events despite frantic "staging" and "Orange County-esque" home primping by your Realtor?

Well, panic no more. Just check out these affadavits.

St. Joseph is kicking the asses of your neighborhood Realtors and taking names.


Anonymous said...

If the ST Joseph kits don't work then the next step is a Real etate agent Voo-Doo Doll. Stick em' back where it hurts!

Sayyyyyy, there Might just be a market for such a thing in the coming months and years.

Anybody know of a cheap doll maker (China or India) that can slap these things together and can be sold for a fat profit on ebay?

C'mon! everybody else made money in real state on the way up, why not make some on the way down?

Markus Arelius said...

First, I'm patently against idol worship when selling a home.

Second, dolls scare the shit out of me.

Third, praying to a gallon of milk has been proven to be equally effective, because the results (answer to the prayer) is always the same:

Yes, No, or Wait.

Jim Lee said...

Personally I rely on my ol "Magic 8 Ball" for the best answers to future questions. ;-)

It has a proven track record to be just as effective.